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RegularMIGuy 43 M
138 posts

Posted on: Nov 29, 2006

Why is it so hard?

This isn't really an advice question. I'm more
interested in other people's opinions on this. Anyway,
why is it that so many couples find it almost impossible to
talk about sex with each other? And I don't mean requesting
sex, I mean actually talking about there sexual
relationship. Especially if something isn't quite right,
people don't seem want to talk about it. Is it because
people think sex talk is taboo? Are they afraid of bruising
their partner's ego if they say something could be better?
Is it something else?

 

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anonymous

Posted on: Dec 02, 2006

Re: Why is it so hard?

I don't think it's exactly that... now-a-days, sex is not
really a taboo!!! Maybe, the man is ashamed of his
performance and the woman doesn't want to rub it in by
callin attention to it, or vise versa!!! U don't want to
alienate ur partner. Although, being open is one of the keys
to success in a relationship!!! If u can't tell ur partner,
tell someone... friend, doctor, pyschiatris, whoever!!! U'll
feel better, trust me...

 

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Whatamidoing 40 F
11 posts

Posted on: Dec 02, 2006

Re: Why is it so hard?

I wish i knew the answer!  I was fortunate to grow up in a
home where sex was open for dicussion, so I have no
hesitation in discussing anything about it. However, in my
experience, many people are unable to talk about what they
like, don't like, or even to communicate during sex. I
know men who grew up in homes where any discussion or even
mention of the word "sex" was off limits. They learned
about sex from peers, often misinformed peers. LOL Many
of us have figured out that the mind is the most important
sexual organ. If not, I hope that news spreads quickly. A
meeting of the minds is the begining of intoxicating
foreplay.

 

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jbobu2000 28 M
4 posts

Posted on: Dec 03, 2006

Re: Why is it so hard?

I feel that the reason that couples do not talk about their
sex life is so that feelings won't be hurt. When in fact it
would make things better. If i was doing something wrong, i
would want to know so that i could fix it. Talking about
your sex life and performance is important. You want to
please her just as much as you want to be pleased.

 

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nalani2001 41 F
1 posts

Posted on: Dec 03, 2006

Re: Why is it so hard?

Dear RegularMIGuy,

After reflecting on your questions a
bit, i think people who care and are concerned intimately
about their partner do not wish to hurt them by telling them
how they perform poorly sexually. Of course this would be a
definite bruising to their partner's ego and a painful issue
between the couple because now one has placed performance
judgement on another. Although the critique was made to
help to improve performance, partners' may not have reached
that level of uninhibited maturity to accept critiques of
their sexual performance. Partners need to understand that
although you think your partner may accept what you say to
them, you need to gauge at what level will they accept what
you say to them. People tend to hear what they want to hear
and not something to improve themselves. Therefore, you
need to tactfully approach the situation and have your
partner come to some level of understanding that they will
need to improve their sexual performance based on what you
would enjoy, like, and find hot and
uninhibited. Discussing sex and all the aspects about sex
is healthy between a couple so both partners know what the
other wants and likes and dislikes. And it is also an
opportunity to come to a compromise on what can be attained
to satisfy both partners under the dislike category, ie.
anal sex, etc. In the end, the couple has to find a common
ground to agree on, on what they like in sex and will
perform best in to satisfy both partners. And if no common
ground can be attained, I think it would be best for both
partners to find others they may find themselves attracted
to and enjoy similar things that they can be uninhibited
with such as all the wonderful aspects of a healthy sexual
relationship. I hope this helps. Take care. Lani

 

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anonymous

Posted on: Dec 04, 2006

Re: Why is it so hard?

I do not believe it is taboo, i agree with your statment
that it is fear of hurting ones feelings. what was good
enough, or great sex...if it doesn't change or evolve, then
it becomes somewhat mundane and boring...and if you have
been doing it that way for years....yes i think there is a
big fear of hurting someone, or creating mistrust. women
tend to think, where did he hear about that, or why does he
wnat ot try that ...then our minds race and think...wow, we
are not good in bed anymore. He used to like my blow jobs,
what happened, is he getting it somewhere else now. This is
where REALLY talking sex comes in. not a glazed over topic
during a tv commercial, a real intimate talk about wanting
to make a few changes...and building each other up at the
same time, so we don't have to think he's looking elsewhere.
if my man just blurted out things he wanted to try (and
this is not his style), I would also need the reassurance as
to how much he loves me and wants to pleasure me and try new
things. and again how much he loves me.

 

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bleck 39 M
491 posts

Posted on: Dec 04, 2006

Re: Why is it so hard?

I like your question and I would like to know people ideas.

 

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sweethonesty 36 F
1 posts

Posted on: Dec 04, 2006

Re: Why is it so hard?

I have the same problem with you. I'm very much inhibited
becoz of so many reasons and one of it is i have a very
conservative father and was brought up in a very
conservative way this made me not appreciate sex. My husband
and i dont even talk about it. Guess it's taboo like what u
said.Moreover, my husband is also very conservative.I would
want really want to understand myself but it's so difficult
to adjust until now. I hope this site will help me overcome
my fears and that i can go out of my shell to express myself
and understand the beauty of sex...

 

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garbr 47 M
104 posts

Posted on: Dec 04, 2006

Re: Why is it so hard?

Talking can lead to great sex!!!!!!!! We talk all the time
and it is amazing what you can learn when you ask ::Y ::T

 

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anonymous

Posted on: Dec 05, 2006

Re: Why is it so hard?

I'm always telling my wife during sex, "tell me what you
want." Mostly all she says is, "I want you." What that
means to me is that she wants me mentally and emotionally.
Then whatever we do sexually is good for her and I. The
connection is the main thing and the sex comes out of that.
Whatever position or act almost doesn't matter as long as
she and I are reassured that we have each other completely
in every other aspect of our lives. This is what leads to
fantastic sex in a loving relationship. I have never had as
good with anyone else. Mostly because we know that we are
completely and only commited to each other and their wishes
and desires.

 

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reeseschoco 27 M
20 posts

Posted on: Apr 14, 2007

Re: Why is it so hard?

Most partners doesn't talk about sex with each other is
because that if they do the partner would feel as if they
are talking about them and that they are lacking in certain
departments or that their partner isnt being satisfied with
them. The fear of hurting ones feelings -That's all.

 

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mlombo69 31 M
1 posts

Posted on: Jul 07, 2007

Re: Why is it so hard?

Its so hard because its an erection...sory i couldn't
resist. I think the reason why THAT talk can be hard varies
form person to person, insecurity, moral mindblocks, fear,
in the end i think the question you should ask yourself is
how whether you want to keep on having bad sex for the rest
of your Life. And keep this in mind too: if its important to
One of you its important to Both of you

 

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twbandit 59 M
19 posts

Posted on: Sep 08, 2007

Re: Why is it so hard?

thats the problem with todays ppl, they will talk to others,
but not there mate, i found out the hard way. lol.

 

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anonymous

Posted on: Oct 27, 2007

Re: Why is it so hard?

Sex is something that you take part in  as  in
something 
you do . Sex doesn't require that you speak but
preform an act or action , sexual inter-course ,
course as in meal , bad manners to speak with your
mouth full . Taboo or held in Reverence better
describes why couples shy away from talking
about sex .

 

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anonymous

Posted on: Nov 11, 2007

Re: Why is it so hard?

I have no idea, i was raised in a house hold where sex was
open for discussion, no matter how or what is was about.

 

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hottie2383 29 F
55 posts

Posted on: Dec 26, 2007

Re: Why is it so hard?

It all depends on the couple, me and my partner do not have
problems at all about this

 

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anonymous

Posted on: Jan 11, 2008

Re: Why is it so hard?

I have been thinking of this same thing. for me i have
decided it is just because i am afraid to talk about it. in
my house growing up it was not something ever mentioned for
any reason. i know some women that it is very easy for them
to talk about it because it was not a hush hush subject in
their home growing up. hope it helps

 

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keepuinthefo 41 M
6 posts

Posted on: Jan 16, 2008

Re: Why is it so hard?

I think that its not Taboo, it that sometime i think cause
one partner is uncomfortable with themself. Weather it be
appearance, breast size, penis size, Overweight, lack of
conficence in performance. Some couples really do not know
how to overcome that and the sex talk becomes the sranger to
the relationship, it could even tear a relationship apart.

 

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