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anonymous
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Posted on: Dec 02, 2006
Re: Why is it so hard?
I don't think it's exactly that... now-a-days, sex is not really a taboo!!! Maybe, the man is ashamed of his performance and the woman doesn't want to rub it in by callin attention to it, or vise versa!!! U don't want to alienate ur partner. Although, being open is one of the keys to success in a relationship!!! If u can't tell ur partner, tell someone... friend, doctor, pyschiatris, whoever!!! U'll feel better, trust me...
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nalani2001
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1 posts
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Posted on: Dec 03, 2006
Re: Why is it so hard?
Dear RegularMIGuy,
After reflecting on your questions a bit, i think people who care and are concerned intimately about their partner do not wish to hurt them by telling them how they perform poorly sexually. Of course this would be a definite bruising to their partner's ego and a painful issue between the couple because now one has placed performance judgement on another. Although the critique was made to help to improve performance, partners' may not have reached that level of uninhibited maturity to accept critiques of their sexual performance. Partners need to understand that although you think your partner may accept what you say to them, you need to gauge at what level will they accept what you say to them. People tend to hear what they want to hear and not something to improve themselves. Therefore, you need to tactfully approach the situation and have your partner come to some level of understanding that they will need to improve their sexual performance based on what you would enjoy, like, and find hot and uninhibited.
Discussing sex and all the aspects about sex is healthy between a couple so both partners know what the other wants and likes and dislikes. And it is also an opportunity to come to a compromise on what can be attained to satisfy both partners under the dislike category, ie. anal sex, etc. In the end, the couple has to find a common ground to agree on, on what they like in sex and will perform best in to satisfy both partners. And if no common ground can be attained, I think it would be best for both partners to find others they may find themselves attracted to and enjoy similar things that they can be uninhibited with such as all the wonderful aspects of a healthy sexual relationship.
I hope this helps.
Take care.
Lani
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anonymous
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Posted on: Dec 04, 2006
Re: Why is it so hard?
I do not believe it is taboo, i agree with your statment that it is fear of hurting ones feelings. what was good enough, or great sex...if it doesn't change or evolve, then it becomes somewhat mundane and boring...and if you have been doing it that way for years....yes i think there is a big fear of hurting someone, or creating mistrust. women tend to think, where did he hear about that, or why does he wnat ot try that ...then our minds race and think...wow, we are not good in bed anymore. He used to like my blow jobs, what happened, is he getting it somewhere else now. This is where REALLY talking sex comes in. not a glazed over topic during a tv commercial, a real intimate talk about wanting to make a few changes...and building each other up at the same time, so we don't have to think he's looking elsewhere.
if my man just blurted out things he wanted to try (and this is not his style), I would also need the reassurance as to how much he loves me and wants to pleasure me and try new things. and again how much he loves me.
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